why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
