you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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