the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
