God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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