never play flip cup with pint glasses
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
