its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize