He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Who died my cat blue again?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
