Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
