i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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