I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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