I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
