I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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