either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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