I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize