why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
