you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
