genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
