I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
