I am puke
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
