I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
