i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
