I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
