in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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