I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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