he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
