we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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