I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
