Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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