I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
