its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize