you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
