I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
