So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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