I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
