oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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