You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
