Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
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