i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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