I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
