I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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