Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize