I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Randomize
