she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
