You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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