Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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