I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize