I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
True but thats because hes a fetus.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
