i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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