There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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