he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
