soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
