Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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