Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
