I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Randomize
