why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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