We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
