you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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