At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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