I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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