allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
