don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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