Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
