Soap is not a condiment
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
