I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
