Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
