I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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