But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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