I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
