Don't make out with my wife yet
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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